In James 1:1-2, we are told to “consider it all joy….when you encounter various trials, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.” For many years. I have totally misinterpreted that particular verse and have tried to force feed myself into a fake joy when I was dying inside. Now, I realize by reading other Christian literature, it means that I need to allow my emotions and feelings to settle down and to seriously think about a situation. This is when God adds His eternal perspective and His positive light. I need to consider or think about a situation being joy….not get all wrapped up in the drama, fall into a negativity trap and certainly not profess “poor pitiful me”. I need to step away and look from afar and see God’s Hands, God’s glory and His work into earthly situations that seem impossible. He is molding me for His kingdom…not for awards on earth. My trials may seem overwhelming at times ( ok, A LOT of times), but from an eternal perspective my faith is being tested, changed, and transformed into the woman He wants me to be.
Unfortunately, I don’t always have a heavenly perspective. I don’t like my son being ill, exhausted and frustrated from the whole ordeal. As much as I hate to admit it, the sin of worry creeps in when the medical bills keep coming and my paycheck keeps shrinking. No, I’m not looking at the situation eternally when my tears flow because he’s too ill to go to school. The frustration levels are on overload and persevering in my faith is not my main goal when I’m making doctor appointments, picking up medications and still racking my brain trying to think of any stone we’ve left unturned. Plus, Daniel is “Mr.Logical” when it comes to personality and our ways of dealing with his illness and the constant fatigue often clash. I want to love on him, hug him and pray over him. He wants to be left alone and wants a logical reason for this major disruption in his life.
So, am I the perfect Christian in dealing with all of this? Am I a hovering mom? Am I a worry wart obsessing about all of it? A resounding “NO” to all those questions that swirl through my head especially at 2:00 in the morning. I am a woman of unsinkable faith, a mother with devoted love for her children and quite honestly, exhausted right now. Exhaustion and weariness doesn’t make me any less of a Christian, it overshadows my eternal perspective, but it doesn’t change my love for the LORD or doubt His love for me. So, “considering it joy” is a process, and I can deal with a process, but not a fake, plastic” I’m doing just fine kind” of joy. So, maybe, persevering is all I can do right now. Put the feelings aside and just keep going. Joy will come in the morning and I’m going to praise Him anyway.