Back to Square One

    The gluten free bread baked in the brand new bread maker was a complete flop. It looked like a cement cinder block and had the consistency of a hockey puck.  Slicing and slathering it with “vegan” butter did not help, it still tasted nasty. I tossed it in the trash can and as it hit bottom with a loud thud, I had a good laugh! Back to square one with a new recipe and trying it again!

     On Wednesday afternoon we traveled to University of Virginia Hospital for yet another appointment for Daniel.  We saw a consultant for children in which no definite medical diagnosis has been found.  After a two visit with extensive questioning and listening, he seems to think that that the root problem for Daniel still lies somewhere in his sleep cycles. So, we were referred to one of the top sleep specialists at UVA and will probably have yet another sleep study performed. We’ve already had two 24 hour sleep studies  which were inconclusive.  I feel as though we’ve gone full circle and we’re right back at square one again, but if this will render long-awaited answers then we will pursue this route.

       As with all our children, I feel as though I am right back at square one in listening to God’s Holy voice to let them go, relinquish control and let Him take care of them.  Even though I am not the “birth-momma” to Christin and Jonathan, I love them as if they are my very own from day one.  As they finished high school and went onto college, God told me then that I needed to let them go and let Him have complete control over their lives.  It took a lot of self-restraint not to call or email them constantly, but I knew God was working His perfect plan into their young lives.  Now, they are both very successful adults and excel in so many different areas….thank you Lord!

     When Sarah was struggling academically and really did not know what path to take for college, again I sensed God’s absolute voice telling me to take my hands off of her and to allow Him to work His miracles.  I had to literally step aside and allow God to anoint her path with His favor, grace and direction. Now she will graduate from Longwood next month and she has matured into a beautiful, spiritual, obedient woman of God.  God doesn’t mess around when it comes to His miracle-making power!

      In high school, Rebekah lost her beloved choral music teacher to cancer complications.   At the funeral, she sang with the choir with her head held high and then dissolved into wracking sobs at the end of the song.  It was all I could do to not hurdle jump the church pews to get to her, grab her, hug her and comfort her.  Again, the whispers in my soul resounded, “Let her go, I’ve got this covered. I will take care of her.”   Now that precious girl holds her own firmly in her faith, her goals and her life.

      My “baby” boy will be seventeen in June, he towers over me, and can play devil’s advocate on any point I may bring up to him.  These health issues we have faced in the past two years have diminished his strength on some days to just go to the bed and the couch. His garden is bare and his daddy has had to take over most of the pigeon care-taking for him.  His grades have dropped to the bottom of the barrel. After two long years of going here, there and everywhere, we still have no solid answers for his mysterious illness.  We are back to square one and God whispered to me yesterday during my devotion time…..”Let him go.”   Tearfully, I will take my hands off of him, relinquish any control I have and prepare God’s pathway for him with prayer, trust (the kind where the rubber meets the road) and with hopeful waiting for God’s plan to unfold.  I’m not giving up, I’m only completely clearing the pathway for God to sweep in and perform His miracles as only He can.  He’s done it with all our children and now my precious baby boy who’s now a faithful young man is completely tucked into the palms of God’s Hands. Back to square one is not such a bad place to be after all.



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