For a few fleeting hours this past weekend I had my son back. During Sarah’s graduation rainy day picnic, I thankfully watched him interact with family members, smile that melt-your-heart smile and play baseball in the backyard with his cousins. With a grateful heart, I watched him stand in front of the refrigerator with the door gaping wide open and look for more to eat. He even made a comment later that was laced with just a little too much disrespect. I shot him the “mom” look straight from the gates of hell, and his immediate response was, “Sorry, mom, I love you.” Who would have ever known I would welcome even a comment I didn’t like?
Yes, I’m very guilty of taking simple actions from a teenager for granted. Simple things like watching him pile food on his paper plate, feed the dogs,and walk around outside in the yard are all “mini-miracles” instead of ordinary moments. For just a little while this past weekend I got to see my son again. Going to Wal-Mart with his sisters is a major accomplishment and so is eating cookie dough straight from the package instead of cooking it first! Staying awake during the day for two days straight has not been seen for months. So, when a parent sees these glimpses of hope, the crash on Monday morning is so much harder to handle, so disappointing, so heartbreaking….so not fair.
I left him sleeping this morning, wrapped in his camouflage quilt, He tried so hard to wake up to go to school, but the exhaustion took over. For just a little while, I had him back. I savored every moment…even a comment that needed correction. For just a little while, I saw the compassionate man he will be one day by volunteering to play and to eat with his cousins outside in between rainy spurts. For just a little while, I got to see him be the brother he needs to be and enjoy the time with his sisters. For just a little while, I savored a reprieve from the storm that has poured constantly onto our lives. One day, this storm will end, the winds will cease, the rain will stop, the whirlwind will die down. I will stand firm and not be devastated by this storm…one day I will dance in the rain.