When our girls were little, they loved to watch and to sing the Biblical songs on the Veggie Tales videos. One of their absolute favorites was “God is Bigger than the Boogie Man.” Yes, even in college, the girls would gather with their friends and watch the Veggie Tales! A simple song, a simple concept and the simple fact that God is bigger than anything we face in life.
Now, as we have traveled back from University of Virginia one more time, I as an adult, am clinging to the fact that God is bigger than all we are facing right now. The news we received about Daniel today was not good, not what we had hoped for, and it was a harsh dose of reality. The fact remains that every doctor we have gone to has been unable to formally diagnose him and he’s not getting any better. Yes, there are moments now and then, but that’s all they are….moments of joy, moments of hope, moments of gratitude. The harsh reality is that no physician has been able to find the root cause of his life-altering fatigue and he continues to spiral downward. He has not positively responded to any treatment plan presented. The doctor today was very blunt and stated that I may never get my son back and we need to deal with the reality that he is like this and may stay this way. Through streaming tears, I let forth a tirade of words that I refuse to believe that and I will never stop trying to find answers for him. Call it denial, call it a broken-hearted mom, I don’t care what you call it I will not stop advocating for our son.
The truth is we’re going to have to make some family decisions as to what to do next. I’m burned out on doctors and he doesn’t need to hear, “I don’t know what’s wrong” anymore. In Romans 8:26. God promises the Holy Spirit will intervene for us when we don’t know what to pray. I’m depending on His promise right now, because tears have overtaken me too many times. God is my lifeline, my life preserver and He’s all I have left….. no doctor has found any answer, our budget is busted to the point of no return, work is nothing but pushing SOL tests right now.
Through the deafening silence of God, I still BELIEVE Him, I still LOVE Him, and I still put all my HOPE in Him alone. I don’t understand, and maybe I never will, but that doesn’t stop my pure gratefulness for all He has delivered me from and the grace He extends to me every single day. He is bigger, more powerful and the most Divine over all of this and He will continue to reign. It’s not easy being a believer, being a mom, being a teacher. but He never promised it would be easy. He did promise He would intercede for me when I have no words to pray…Come Holy Spirit, Come.